Army of Fun

 

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Tuesday, April 22, 2003

 
What I'd like to do here, what I'd really like to do is make some snide observations about Mr. Personality like how the show would be better if all those guys with their Mexican wrestler-like masks were actually Mexican wrestlers or, as they say in Texas, "Messican Wrasslers," but I can't because it's Earth Day and, well, Earth Day is special. It's the day we, each in our way, celebrate Earth in all her ecological goodness.

I personally celebrate Earth Day by making sweet, sweet love to Mother Earth. So what, you think, on Earth Day everyone makes sweet, sweet love to Mother Earth. Well, not like I do because I mean I make love to the Earth in the biblical sense, as in cleave unto, as in I fuck her, dip my stiff wick into her yielding quick, and I have done so every year for the last thirteen years.

Ah, the joy of youth, the blooming of adolescent pistils and stamen, the first rush of conscious sexual desire, the rising of the sap in the spring. How well I remember those innocent days of perpetual boners as we called them at the time. It was an Earth Day of beauty surpassable, perhaps, only by the beauty of Denise L_____ whose sweet face and recently noticeable breast had led me to notice her recently in a new and exciting way.

That wonderful day I was lolling by the creek near the big rock we called "Big Rock," lying there in a patch of pleasant smelling grass, digging my hands into the soft soil, reflecting on Denise L_____'s abundant charms, enjoying the sunny skies and the spring breeze blowing over my face and my bare arms. Naturally, what with the care-free weather and my increasingly racy thought about Denise L_____, I soon became aroused. To alleviate some of the, er, stress I rolled over onto my belly and pressed myself into the ground.

However, mere pressure was not enough, and when I pushed my hands into the soft ground, in a spasm of pained pleasure I thought, why not. I dug out a small hole beneath me, pushed my pants down to my waist, squeezed the earth tight around my penis and went at it; I humped the Earth with the mad abandon only a teenage boy could. It was ideal, it was superb, it was ecstacy. I've never had a partner as wonderful as our big blue marble was that day, and I think she enjoyed too, at least if the 7.1 Richter Scale earthquake and killer tsunami off Sumatra were any indication. Throughout the following year I just couldn't get that day out of my mind. So the next Earth Day I renewed my carnal knowledge of Mother Earth, and the next year, and the next, and so on up to and including six pm PDT today.

Still, I think the whole Earth fucking thing needs to be taken to the next level, so I call upon all readers of this blog as well as everyone else in the world to join me in the first Annual Motherfucking Fuck Mother Earth Earth Day Gangbang. Together, I'm sure we could convulse the planet in a cataclysmic, The Core-esque paroxym of pleasure.
Fyrste, 10:18 PM